Cool Married Guys Vol. 28: Artie Mulford

Artie Mulford is one of the funniest dudes I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t mean funny like court jester funny, or stupid joke funny, I mean just funny. I swear if he took the time to organize his thoughts, he could probably be really successful as a stand-up comedian. I guess maybe being an only child gave him plenty of time to be creative and spend time exploring his own imagination. By day he books advertising spots for your wife’s favorite cable network, and by night he’s an all around good time guy, who may show up to the bar in full 18th century garb because it’s President’s Day. On top of it all, he’s happily married, and makes no secret of his love and admiration for his wife, Anne. To be honest, I just kept asking him questions to hear him talk because conversations with him genuinely entertain me. Check out my interview with Artie- a real one-man party.

State your name:

Arthur Mulford Jr… Which sounds a bit pompous, so most people call me Artie or RT … pronounced the same way (laughing).

Where are you from and where do you live now:

I was born in NY & lived in upper Manhattan in a neighborhood called  Inwood until I was about 5, my family then moved to Yonkers where I spent the rest of my childhood.  During my teenage years, I lived with my Mom in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, and then briefly moved to a town called Hartsdale for my early 20’s… I’ve now settled down in the Woodlawn section of the Bronx for about the past 7 years.

What’s your story: 

Basically, I’m an only child who grew up in a middle class suburban neighborhood in Yonkers, New York. My father worked for a famous newspaper, & my mother for a successful advertising company.  We weren’t rich, but my parents did all right, and we lived in a nice house with a big backyard, where we would spend a good amount of times outdoors, barbecuing & such.  My best friend / future best man Jay, lived down the block, & so did a couple of other buddies; but being an only child, I would also spend a lot of time playing on my own. I was constantly setting up battles with my action figures; that would continue for hours on end.  I read stacks of comic books & watched movies like Star Wars over & over because I loved to ‘escape to different universes.’ My parents encouraged me to play sports as well, & I developed a passion for hockey. I also looooved being a class clown.  Unfortunately for my teachers, I preferred to crack jokes over cracking the books. (laughing)  However, I still managed to get decent grades early on.  Sadly, when high school came around my parents divorced, & my mother & I moved to an apartment in the Riverdale section of the Bronx – my father did the same & lived a couple of miles away.

Seems convenient though.  So you did High School up there too:

I actually attended a prestigious Catholic High School in the Bronx, where my grades began to slip.  I started spending even more time goofing around, & it took its toll.  At this institution, I met a couple of buddies that I remain close with to this day, including our mutual friend, and free-lance Cool Married Guy sportswriter, B-Willie Cyclops (laughing).

Yeah, B. Willie hasn’t shown up for work in about a year.  Anyway, continue:

I think we all thought that we were part of a junior sketch comedy group, & would frequently re-enact SNL skits in front of our class.  The school didn’t find us so funny though, & they decided “we should part ways” after an incident involving chicken nuggets (laughing).  I then attended Sacred Heart High School in Yonkers, where I continued my ‘comedy routine’ with some new friends.  I swear, I don’t know how people stay grounded during those years … I found other things people in my life at that time-very distracting. Luckily I was able to pull out grades decent enough to get me into Iona College.  It’s weird, College was a wake-up call to me, & I managed to pick up my grades.  I think the fact that no one was yelling at me or breathing down my neck to do my homework kind of shook me up.  I did pretty well academically, & decided to save my antics for after school.

Makes sense.

My friends & I still read comics & watched action / sci fi movies, so I guess I got used to being a “big kid” & didn’t really care what people thought about it.  Like most people that age, we also did a lot of bar hopping & going to parties, but luckily we never got into any serious trouble.

So what’d you do after college:

After college, I waited tables at a few restaurants & became familiar with that lifestyle.  For anyone who’s never worked in the food industry, all I can say is that it is as crazy as it hyped up to be.  I saw people get chewed out by chefs, cooks, & owners on a daily basis, & after a while you get used to the chaos – but seeing people humiliated in real life isn’t as entertaining as Chef Gordon Ramsey makes it look (laughing).  A year or two after I received my degree, I was able to get my foot in the door with an entry level position at CBS. I became used to the whole ‘business office atmosphere’ instead – it was a welcomed change of pace.  I bought my own Co-Op in Woodlawn a few years back, & met my lovely wife, Anne.  We’ve been together for about 4 years now, & so far so good.

Awesome, man.  It all worked out.  So tell the good folks out there what you do for a living:

I work for the Bravo Network, where I schedule commercials.  This basically means that I’m part of a team that works with our Sales department to ensure that we air the right commercial at the right time for the advertising clients that buy commercial inventory.  It’s kind of a tricky position, that’s not as easy it may sound.  Every day we deal with a bunch of issues, that can include making sure that we air the correct commercial for each client, keeping competitive products out of the same commercial break – for instance, you wouldn’t want to air 2 competitive car companies back to back, and just basically meeting different deadlines to make sure that all of this happens before we go to air.  It’s a pretty cool job, that’s taught me a lot about the commercial advertising business & the television industry as a whole, not to mention that there is so much that goes into what you see on TV before it actually hits the airwaves.

So is it fair to say that you are solely responsible for all the “Housewives of” series: 

Of course! (laughing) Nah, I wish that I could claim any type of credit for the creation of that program, it’s been such a huge hit for the Network … it really is like a phenomenon.

I guess “phenomenon” would be one word for it…. I know you’re a man who’s passionate about his interests.  What would you say you really enjoy the most? Football, hockey, comics?

Oh man, that’s tough, I have so many … I guess, that since I have a Batman tattoo, it would have to be comics or just the fantasy/Sci Fi genre as a whole.  I’ve been obsessed with that character in particular since I was a kid.  I just think that he’s a total badass.  I’ll call my friends at like 3am imitating the Christian Bale / Batman voice, screaming “Alfred!”  I think they’re pretty sick of it (laughing).  But I love all that stuff, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Terminator series.  My new favorite is Game of Thrones, I’m getting ready to start the third book in the series now… probably going to try & figure out some sort of GoT inspired tattoo that I can get, why not??

Yeah, why not?

I’m also a huge football & hockey fan.  Love the Jets, & really hope that they can somehow make it happen with the remainder of the season, & hopefully the playoffs.  I’m a huge hockey / Rangers fan too.  They’re playing hot as hell right now, & they’ve got a solid, young squad that might be a problem for other teams for years to come.  Another passion I have is for music.  Love classic rock, alternative, & like you, I’m a huge hip hop head.  Can’t say I’m too crazy about the rap game nowadays though … I love the 90’s, Biggie, Wu Tang, Nas, Mobb Deep.  I think that first Cuban Linx album changed my life lol.  I immediately bought a pair of Wallabees & started rockin’ a half moon part! (laughing hysterically). The music that was made back then set the bar so high, that I can’t see it ever being as good – not even close.

Don’t even get me started.  I really wish I could have gotten a hold of a picture of you with a Raekwon haircut though.  We’ren’t you once interviewed at Comicon or something: 

Oh man, that was freaking weird.  A few years ago, a couple of friends & I went to Comic Con NY, where we were interviewed by this underground comedy web site.  They were asking me about Sports, & Comics, & what sports player reminds you of a comic book character? So I went off on this huge rant about how Mark Messier always reminded me of Batman, & how he really is Batman … but I was dead serious about it (laughing).  Apparently these guys loved the interview, and they spent the next couple of years looking for me every time Comic Con came around.  They even started this search on their website called “Where’s Artie?” or something like that, because they were trying to get in touch with me.   I finally ran into them at a Con a few years later, and they were flipping out.  I had no idea that they were looking for me and I almost didn’t remember them.  We exchanged info & were supposed to meet up, but I never heard back from them … it was really strange (laughing).

That is amazing.  You’re like the King of the Comic Nerds or something.  Ok, on to the meat and potatoes- How long have you been married:

A little over 7 months.

How would you say marriage has changed you or your state of mind: 

I definitely feel a level of maturity that I never felt before, because now I’m not just thinking about myself.  When I make a decision, whether it be career, financial, or otherwise, I have to think of how that’s going to affect the both of us, & what we’re trying to build as a couple.  It’s good though, because I really think that the most important thing in this world is family, & my wife & I are in the beginning stages of building a foundation that will hopefully last our family for a long time to come.

What do you think is particularly cool about marriage: 

I like the partnership, I like having someone who has my back 24hours a day.  We both have a lot of great people around us, supporting us, but this is different.  My wife is a really cool person, with a laid back personality, & I have a pretty strong personality – I think that makes us sort of even each other out.  She keeps me grounded & I think that I do the same for her.

So what’s next for Mr. RT Mulford: 

Well right now, we’re both focusing on our careers.  I’m trying to learn more about the business that I’m in & see where I can go from there, & she’s trying to finish up school to advance her career as well.  People are always asking us “when are we going to have kids?” but I think that we’re going to hold off for a little bit, do some traveling, & stay on the right path with our jobs… but children are definitely in the future for us.  Honestly though, I’d have to say, the most important thing that I’m looking forward to is the Dark Knight Rises, in theaters this summer!!!!  Just kidding…