Men’s Earrings: Officially Not in Fashion

There was once a skit on In Living Color (that I can’t find any proof of) where Damon Wayans played the guy who decided what was in style and not in style, and often times in my life I pretend like I’m that guy, at least in my head. As trends come and go and fashions change, it’s a constant game of “hmm, is that for me or not. If so, why. If not, then why not.” And I wind up having fun with all of this over thinking and the potential of new forms of  self-expression.  That being said, let’s talk earrings.

Ever since I was 8 years old, I wanted my ear pierced.  After begging my mom for years she finally told me that I was allowed to get an earring after my Bar-Mitzvah aka my 13th birthday.  7 short days after my Jewish manhood ceremony, I was in South Square Mall with a silver piercing gun to my left ear, and walked out with the stupidest gold starter earring there ever was.  In my mind, I was the coolest.  Finally I had entered the world of the rebels and rockstars, and had done something “cool.”

8 years later I decided that one earring wasn’t cool enough, and got my right ear pierced to match my left.  Hell, all the cool rap guys were rocking two diamond studs, and though mine weren’t worth the amount of one of their earring backs, I wanted in.  As I got older, I rocked my earrings as if they were freckles on my earlobes, and rarely took them out except for the occasional job interview.  Even if I started a job that had a “no earrings on men” policy, my two little friends would eventually find their way back into my lobes, and would accompany me to work every day.  I donned those damn things all the way until I was 31 years old, and by 32 I was starting to grow tired of my 19 year old fashion choice.  One day I took them out unconsciously to “give it a rest,” and my two old diamond friends have now joined the rankings of some of my old human friends.  They’ve become something that was once important to me and a huge piece of my life, but have proved to be transitional as were in retrospect, many of my friends.

As my earring wearing subsided, I’ve noticed more and more men making the same choice.  My always in fashion predecessors like Jay-Z, and P. Diddy haven’t worn their 2 million dollar earrings in years.  Every time I’m in public I come in contact with a slew of hip young blokes with earlobes that clearly used to play host to earrings, and less and less do I notice any notable fashion icon walking around with any lobe ornaments.  So I’ve come to a decision:  earrings on men are no longer fashionable.

If you’ve read any of my other fashion posts (or posts in general), you’ll notice that I’m not only extremely opinionated when it comes to what’s cool and what’s not cool, but also believe every seemingly ridiculous statement I make.  Where as other declarations I make are very finite, this one is a little different.  In this case,  I’m not saying that if you choose to wear an earring/earrings you look stupid.  If you’re look is more extreme or you have stretched your holes out because that’s “your thing,” I’m by no means dissing you.  What I am saying is that from the perspective of men’s fashion, earrings are no longer trendy.  In fact, they almost send off a “stuck in the past” sort of message, and definitely do not look the slightest bit refined, or professional if you choose to adhere to the confines of those labels, even on occasion.

So listen to me, or don’t listen to me, it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I, Whutsiznaim, are hereby declaring earrings on men no longer in fashion. Presently no one pays me to give my opinion on anything let alone fashion, but don’t say I didn’t tell you so when you find out for yourself.  Allow me to be the mouthpiece of the masses for a second, and tell you what those in the know secretly…….know. Not caring is totally fine, but instead of thinking about whether or not you care what’s “in fashion,” maybe think about what message “not caring” is sending about you as a person.  It’s deeper than you think.

(This message has been brought to you by the Over-Analytical Society of America and CoolMarriedGuy.com)