Dear Cell Phone Manufacturers,

Let me just make this abundantly clear for you: THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO COMPETE WITH IPHONES. I’ve brought this up on a number of occasions, and even complimented various predecessors like the Blackberry. But at least the Crackberry does something the iPhone still cannot: it gives you your email as soon as it hits the inbox. As for everyone else, your making a bunch of cute phones for teenagers who’s parents wont buy them iPhones. Nothing you ever manufacture will ever as much as make the tiniest little impact on Apple’s marketshare. I’m not saying this because my wife and I own iPhones, or because Apple pays me money to favor their product (but a man can dream), I’m saying this because it’s true. You may as well try to create a new mp3 player and take out the iPod, because that’s not going to work either. This letter was prompted by the release of the new “Windows Phone 7 Series,” that Bill Gates underlings think is going to make an impact. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it 1million more times until my point is clear: You can’t make beige construction boots and think you’re going to start getting a lot of Timberland’s customers to switch, and you can’t make a touch screen PDA with “apps” and think people will prefer that over an iPhone. If you all were smart, you’d create a phone that does totally different things than the iPhone. Find a niche, if you will. You know like, start a website for today’s hip married man because there are zero sites that cater to married men at all. The first rule of being successful in business is creating something that solves someone else’s problems. I know that and I was a Media Studies major. These creations aren’t solving anything, they’re simply trying to dethrone the well-liked, well-established, and heavily supported, king of technology. If you need a logical-minded consultant to help you, get your salary offers ready and email me at info@coolmarriedguy.com. I’ll be here all week, tip your waitress.

Love Always,