Relationship Advice: Don’t say things you don’t mean

I was having a conversation with a friend recently that sparked this post. Being that I’m pretty much the only married man in my immediate circle, people seem to come to me for relationship advice. In terms of giving advice on the site, I’m not an expert. I’m just a man in a happy marriage, who tends to think about things a little bit more than he should. In other words, the things I do right, I know that I do them and why. So let’s get to it.

Every couple argues. If you never argue there’s probably a problem, one of you is simply just too submissive, or you just don’t know each other well enough yet. My wife and I don’t argue that much, but when we do I make it a point to never say things I don’t mean. I think that this is very vital to the nature and well-being of a relationship, because it has to do with being honest, as well as being respectful. If there is an issue, it should be discussed. Neither party should ever walk around, harboring feelings that inevitably will one day explode. But when the inevitable happens and the bickering begins, you should always make it a point to never say things you’ll regret.

It’s one thing to finally let out the fact that the constant piles of clothing on top of the hamper annoy you, but it’s another thing to exclaim things like “Oh and by the way, I hate your Mother,” just because you temporarily want her to be as upset as you are at that moment. I know, this whole thing seems extremely obvious. But trust me, you or someone you know has done this multiple times, and it’s simply never a good idea. The point is, if you love someone than respect them, even when you’re upset. If you find this difficult to do, you should examine your relationship. If that’s not it, then seek anger management. Even in anger, it’s never ok to disrespect your partner.