How do you know if she’s the one?

As I like to say, this site is “catered to, but not exclusively for today’s married man.” That being said, I often get the same question that I once asked a married friend of mine back in the day: “so how do you know if you’re ready to get married or if she’s the one?” I’ve thought a lot about this question, because I feel like it is so commonly asked (and because I have a tendency to over-analyze almost everything). We as men typically have an insecurity about relationships in general because of the “caveman-like” nature of our social culture. Typically, when a man finds “the one” (or at least the “one for now”) our friends tend to act like it’s a negative thing that you inevitably won’t be “hangin’ with the boys” as much as you used to, instead of saying “hey man, it’s great that you’re happy.” Meanwhile, the woman’s friends act the opposite and as if every man they meet, no matter how casually, is a potential husband. The influence of our social lives tend to make us gun-shy of relationships, so we often have trouble committing, even if it’s what feels right. So here is the advice I offer to my unwed readers, from THE cool married guy himself: if you don’t know if it’s time to get married, then it’s not time to get married. If you doubt whether or not she’s “the one,” then she’s probably not. If you don’t know if you’re ready, then you’re not. Period.

The problem with today’s society is that we really didn’t learn from our parents’ generation. A staggering percentage of us are products of divorce, and my theory is that this happened because most of our parents’ generation got married too young. Pre-marrital sex was less accepted in those days, so everyone confused hormones with love and rushed to the alter instead of the bedroom. What wound up happening was that a bunch of kids married a bunch of other kids that they weren’t compatible with. They argued over everything from money, to sex, to life goals, because they weren’t able to figure out if there actual adult lives were in sync with one another, and it ended in inevitable separation. All our generation took from this was that we probably shouldn’t get married right out of high school, but most still wind up marrying someone they aren’t compatible with, thus making the divorce rate sky rocket, and this thing we call marriage gets a bad name.

The beauty in all this is that you don’t Have to get married, even though society tells us that you do. I agree that I wouldn’t want to grow old by myself, but I assure you that had I not met my wife, this site wouldn’t exist, and I’d still be a miserable single man that hated every woman I met. The reason my marriage works is because my wife was on the exact same page as me, and wasn’t the type of woman that always dreamed of wearing a wedding dress, white gloves, and a tiara from the time she was 5 years old. Before I came along, she had called it quits with dating and figured she’d eventually adopt a Guatemalan baby, name him Xavier, and buy him cute sneakers and cargo pants. My point is, you shouldn’t get married just to get married. It’s stupid, and it’s pointless, and all you’re doing is making your life worse. If you’ve been with the same woman for years and have never fully committed mentally, you’re not magically going to be able to commit just because you drop a couple G’s on an engagement ring. So do me a favor people, if you have to ask this question than please don’t get married. I’m tired of hearing how “marriage sucks” and how it doesn’t work. I understand the Venus/Mars aspect of relationships between men and women, and I totally agree. We are completely different beings, and inevitably won’t always get along or understand each other, but unfortunately that will never change. If you meet someone that you feel is mostly annoying, or you are constantly arguing with, then please don’t marry her. Let’s work together to trim the fat off of the married population, and continued to promote what’s good about “jumping the broom.” The point being, if you have to ask this question, don’t worry about what the answer is, just don’t get married. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.

Share