A j.p. U90 note to ‘Dinho

I’ve had it! I mean really, this is it. I am fuming mad and not gonna take it…ANYMORE!

“What’s got my goat/my midweek soccer brief/pantie in a bunch” you ask? THIS!

Oh really fool, really?

So ‘Dinho…they play alot of defense in Italy eh? Like alot, all the time, eh? You mean they pack 10 guys between you and the ball (with one guy waiting at midfield for the quick counterattack)? Man, who’da thunk it! I mean, I’ve only been way into soccer for 3 years and I knew that before I even started paying attention, and I’m an idiot!

So let me just say:

thanks to google translate, and just so he gets the message, in “Portugese” (minus the accents): 

and lastly, eye-tal-ianoo:

Really guy. You have a gift. An insanely rare gift that billions of people want to see.

I was at the Camp Nou for what turned out to be your last game for Barcelona. It was a 2-1 loss to Villareal where you did nothing but walk around, fix your ponytail, and slam a free kick off the crossbar. Messi was out, Henry hadn’t yet found his groove. Luckily Xavi came to play.

But you? Nathan.

They even had you wearing the captain’s armband to try some extra motivation. It didn’t work.

Even the lady who joined me was frustrated. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?!” she asked. She had long heard me go on about your magic, the impossible things you can do. But that night, and that season, ya just walked around looking hung over.

Never flashed to the ball, never took on any defenders off the dribble. You were average.

You can do so much better.

So please, O’ Bucktoothed one, RUN! Yes, they play tough D in Italy. So what, you’re Ronaldinho. Get on your horse and get back in the supersweet Brazilian 10!