The Apple Conspiracy

By no means do I consider myself a “techy,” but I do like my toys. Particularly I joined the Ipod craze in about 2004, just as they were really starting to catch on. Being a music lover, it was perfect. No more cds, cd cases, discmans, or AA batteries. I paid $300 for a 10GB Ipod and loaded that little bastard like I was about to be shipwrecked on a secluded island. I started to notice that Apple was slowly releasing the Ipod with more GBs for less money, but I wouldn’t bite. I love music even more than the next man, but 8-10,000 songs would do me just fine. As I would regularly upload more music on my favorite toy, I began to notice that Apple was offering “software updates.” You mean I don’t have to buy a new style Ipod to get the new style software? This Steve Jobs character must be some humanitarian. Next I noticed these “software updates” were becoming more frequent. Every month I’d get at least one, and in my mind my Ipod was becoming cooler and more modern, even if my Ipod was thicker than all the new ones. For the next few months, my Ipod began to self destruct. Sometimes it would freeze, not hold a charge, or simply not turn on at all. Then eventually, it died and I was sad. Being so reliant on the device, I was forced to buy a new one. Being a songwriter at the time, the Ipod was an integral part of my songwriting process. I was living way out in Brooklyn and worked in Midtown Manhattan, so with the beats bumping through my ear buds, and my lyrics being scribed in my Palm Treo, I had gone totally digital, and the subway became my writing chair. The bottom line was that I couldn’t not buy a new Ipod. So for another $300, I got a much slimmer, much sleeker ipod that could even play videos. For another two years, I carried the Ipod everyday, along with my wallet, my keys, and whatever sub-par PDA I was using at the time. Then, the Iphone came out. I waited through the first year of hype, but when the 3G came out, I was on the verge of throwing my current phone off the Brooklyn Bridge so I went for it. Plus, I couldnt resist combining my Ipod and PDA all in one. For a New Yorker with no car, it was a dream come true. For the last year, I have worshipped my Iphone like a golden calf. I use every feature, and download apps like there’s no tomorrow. The internet is great, the service is great, the email feature is great. For nearly 13 months, I have had no complaints, and couldn’t imagine life without it. Well, no complaints other than you can’t cut and paste, or send and receive picture texts. Annoying yes, but no biggie. So recently, Apple drops the 3Gs and writes all of it’s wrongs. “Dammit,” I thought, “how could they do this so soon?” Still, there was no way I was buying one, especially at retail (like $600). The phone drops and instantly I get a “software update” letting me know that I was getting the cut and paste feature free. I knew it was sketchy, but of course, I updated. So now my texting and emailing life is easier. Wow, Apple actually hooked me up? Soon after, my Iphone began to bug out, just like my Ipod before it. One night, the Apple logo popped up and just stayed there until the phone died. Soon after that, my phone began freezing from time to time. Then, it happened: fully charged, the phone wouldn’t turn on or even take a charge. When I plugged it in, the computer didn’t even recognize that it was there. The next day I went to the Apple store, and was informed that I couldn’t get the phone looked at because the “Genius Bar” was booked for the next 6 days. Pissed off and confused, I went downstairs and found my friend (who shall remain nameless), to ask him what to do. He then informed me that my phone was out of warranty, and to buy a new one would cost $600. He also told me that he frequently sees the Iphones dying prematurely for no reason. He took the phone from me and put it on a display charger, where it magically came back to life. 4 days later, my little guy is fine, but I know his death is inevitable. Now I hope and pray every night before bed that he lives to see 2, at which point I will have my “upgrade,” and be able to get a new one for just $300. I also hope that Apple doesn’t send me a software update, because inevitably I will have to see what it’s all about. But the bottom line is this: Apple makes the best technology imaginable. When they do, many try to compete and simply fail. Apple then drops a newer version of that technology, making the current technology seem inferior. They offer you software updates, laden with self-destructive viruses, and then kill their own technology so that you have to buy a new one, all before you are allowed your 2 year “upgrade,” forcing you to pay retail. I’ve probably never visited a tech blog in my life, but I’m pretty sure this is no secret. And what can we do? File a lawsuit against a company that has enough money to buy the planet Earth, and enough technology to erase any proof of any wrong doing? On the other hand we have 2 choices: play their game, or carry sub-par technology. I for one, will not stand for this. I will however see you at the Apple store. I’ll be the dude with the shaved head and the frown, Iphone corpse in hand, waiting in line to buy a new one.